Diamond Jubilee Report

IT WAS PISSING down with rain on Sunday. When I saw the Queen getting dragged up the river in a tiny tug boat I nearly flipped my lid: "Is THIS the much prated-about Royal Barge~??" Then I saw the Royal Barge which was fairly resplendent and relaxed.

I couldn't watch much of this river pageant. I felt freezing cold anyway. So watching the Queen  and Prince Philip, Charles and Camilla and Wills and Kate shivering in the middle of a bleak river in the driving rain was too much. Why the City of London couldn't extend themselves to a transparent awning to keep the Sovereign and her family nice and DRY I've no idea...

I started getting really depressed that night and was fighting to stay awake . Come midnight I was too excited to sleep and stayed high all night. It was a natural high. Either that, or the coke pixie somehow blew some of Peru's finest up my nasal passages. But I never took any cocaine. I don't LIKE cocaine. The high is OK, but everything else it does (like cause a stressed feeling, that can flip into paranoia) I can most definitely live without.

So I didn't sleep till past six a.m.

Then I got up and made more salad. I was going to go down town to watch the Queen's Diamond Jubilee concert in the Mall. But in the end I watched it on my own on television.

Grace Jones looked like she'd forgotten her medication. She hula-hooped all through her song about a river. Then I realized she was singing about "the rhythm".

Elton John roared all through his set.

I must have been out buying cherries when Kylie Minogue and Shirley Bassey came on.

Why does Madonna never perform royal events? And why no Michael Jackson. I know he's dead, but they could have dug up his bones and made a dancing marionette. MJ would have loved that.

If only Simon Cowell had auditioned every act , no matter how "established" before any were allowed to perform for Her Majesty, we'd have had a very different line-up. Paul McCartney in particular would never have got a look-in. His voice sounded completely knackered.

By far the best bit was Prince Charles's speech and the fireworks. Then the news came on. Prince Philip is in hospital with cystitis.

On Tuesday the Queen finally rode through town in an open coach, which is what I'd wanted to see all along. It wasn't the gold state coach I'd been expecting. Or the glass one Princess Diana used to ride to St Paul's cathedral for her wedding. Then the top Royals waved from the balcony. And then it was all over. The Queen gave a speech of thanks, broadcast after the evening news.

I'm not very happy. I had to take more methadone than prescribed just to stay OK yesterday. I took some gear on Sunday, but haven't used since then. I think of this long drug nightmare and I'm tired, so very tired. I just want it to end.

I've had terrible problems with ear wax. In trying to get it out, I managed to completely block my right ear.  SO NOW I'M HALF DEAF. THAT'S WHY I'M WALKING AROUND SHOUTING AT PEOPLE.

Got a doctor's appointment. it clashes with that shit-for-brains methadone clinic, where I don't want to go anyhow.

So I'm depressed and pissed off.

I bet the Queen's lying in bed totally exhausted after the last few days. Actually, I bet she's out working. As per usual...



 DAME SHIRLEY BASSEY: DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

This was the high-point of the Jubilee concert, and the only song that seemed relevant to the "theme".

I did eventually see this, yesterday, on reapeat...