Deaf as a Post

I'VE GOT yet another drugs worker at the methadone clinic, my fifth in less than a year. My dose has gone down to 20mg daily. Next time, he's agreed to reduce it to 15.


I don't know what I'm going to do about my ear. I'm deaf on one side, with loud tinnitus. It's just ear wax but how anyone's going to get it out, I haven't a clue. I've been dropping Otex in there twice a day (propylene glycol (which seems to be a posh word for glycerin) and urea hydrogen peroxide 5% ) but it's doing nothing at all. Surely if it actually was breaking down the blockage, the excess would run out dark brown with dissolved wax. This is running out clear, suggesting it's done nothing at all. They say add five drops, but with an ear as completely bunged as mine, you cannot even tell whether anything has dropped in there at all, until afterwards.

Greg Arious's girlfriend Lou rang me today. if she ever was paranoid and psychotic, she seems to have made a remarkable recovery. I never actually saw her going nuts with a knife, so I only knew what I was told. People tend to label any abarrant behaviour as psychotic which annoys me. Psychosis means hallucinations, delusions or "grossly disorganized behaviour" ~ eg eating cigarettes or shitting on the floor. Wielding a knife might be scary but it's not necessarily psychotic. Well I'm glad she sounds OK. Whether or not she was technically psychotic or not is by the by. It's whether she's OK. That's what counts. She invited me to Greg's birthday but I can't really afford it. I seem to have far less money OFF drugs than on them. The other day I spent nearly £15 on 10 cigarettes, one litre of cyder, a litre of tropical fruit juice, Greek sesame bread sticks and hummus, a carrier bag full of salad, tinned sardines and fresh cherries. A couple of years ago that £15 would have gone on two bags of heroin, and I just wouldn't have bothered eating so well.

I've been taking the Seroquel (antipsychotic) purely for its calming effect. My bad ear has done my head in and I feel panicky all the time. The doctor is having a look at it tomorrow. I can't have it syringed for ages because the practice nurse is on holiday. So if I want it syringed, I'm going to have to do it myself. Is there any reason why I shouldn't syringe my own ear? How exactly do I do it? How long do I leave the warm water in there? Do I repeat the process over and over? If so, how many times and for how long? I've never had this problem, so I don't know what to do. I feel weird about dropping olive oil in there, so I've avoided doing that so far, but it sounds like that's the only remedy that's truly effective...

Now I have to rush: "Prince William at 30" is on ITV!





The Queen gives thanks for her Diamond Jubilee:~




Viper XXL: Hardtechno Anthem
The BBC is using this in their interprogramme trailers these days...