HEY I just did an online IQ test and my intelligence is FIVE POINTS ABOVE AVERAGE! A score of 105. I feel super-brainy now! Binky did one on her phone last week and told me she's 120. I'm not surprised I'm thicker than her. Certain people appear to think I'm ever so bright. But I'm not. I'm terrible at maths, cannot do anagrams to save my life (almost all "word games" rely on spelling and I'm no good at spelling either). Oh, and they're obsessed with sequencing things. And I'm no good at that either. Ie I'm thick. I just happen to be fairly articulate with an OK vocabulary. Trust me, if I really were intelligent I'd be working as a doctor as we speak. (Fair enough maybe a doctor with one arm in the morphine cabinet but a doctor through and through...)
But medicine never was on the cards. In my day, to qualify for any
undergraduate medicine course you need to be able to get three As at A level in all three sciences ~ or physics, chemistry and maths (which would be even HARDER). Nowadays,
apparently, the prerequisites are softer: chemistry and biology only (which would give me half a chance). I did once manage to get on to a BSc psychology course (if you wonder whence my fluent psycho-babble originates, it's from there. But psychologists need to understand research methods and statistics (which WAS hard and bored the pants off me. You need to be able to assess data against the odds of the same results occurring randomly ~ something to do with a
kappa value, whatever that may be...) oh yeah and psychobiology. Which is brain science. And I thoroughly enjoyed witnessing the pain of my fellow classmates as they attempted to grapple with something TANGIBLE AND REAL. Yes it was funny. And also REALLY REALLY HARD. I'm not at all impressed by my drug workers' babblings on dopamine and serotonin. Ask them to draw molecules of these neurotransmitters and to provide intricate details of 5-hydroxytryptamine reuptake at the synaptic cleft and they'll no doubt be baffled. Quite possibly not even realizing that 5HT
is serotonin! You see, you really need to know your stuff to be "knowledgeable" in this area. (And I'm certainly not "knowledgeable": I wouldn't know the difference between a dopamine molecule and a parrot dropping!)
Well I'm TRYING to keep away from the Nasty Heroin. I went back to it because I was feeling so intensely crappy. And I've used it this morning. If I hadn't, and had been feeling the way I have felt without it, I wouldn't be here writing at all. Anything I did write would be intensely gloomy and morbid.
On a lighter note I finally got my Disabled/Pensioners' Free Bus Pass. So I took the bus everywhere today...
That's about it. I SO WISH I could kick the gear out of my life for good. But past experience has left such a bad taste in my mouth. Promises promises ~ all broken. I cannot trust myself at all. And haven't been able to since I became dependent on heroin (for years it was all going to end "tomorrow" or "next week" ~ I seriously believed that!)
I hope you're feeling good. Spring is springing. I can feel it light up my brain like a drug. A drug that doesn't make me happy, just weird... but hey, all things change. Turn turn turn....
Illustrated: me as a doctor; London Freedom Pass...
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